To The Ones Who've Left Scars on My Heart

I forgive you.  

I forgive you for lashing out in fear and anger because you felt betrayed by those you loved.  

I forgive you for disappearing inside yourself, living life a shell- 

 Making me feel as if I wasn't enough.  

I forgive you for thinking you were not worthy to be part of life, of earth, of God. 

I shoved my fear inside, but you scared the hell out of me.

 I forgive you for locking me outside the walls you retreated behind- 
trying to prevent even more pain from being stored behind them.  

I forgive you for the tears you held within hoping you would eventually drown.  

I'm sorry I never seemed to know the right thing to say. 

I forgive you for the stoic silence you displayed when I needed you the most, 
I realize now you were only trying to escape the voices in your head screaming for release. 

I forgive you for surviving the abuse the only way you knew how.

Yes, you've hurt me. but who am I to judge? I'm not perfect anymore than you are- 

yet I allowed myself to feel somehow superior.  

I didn't realize that all that anger, resentment, and hurt I was carrying
in my heart was ultimately only dragging me back and holding me in the pain of the past. 
Just as Christ has forgiven my sins I know I have to forgive you.
It's not going to be easy- 
scars don't heal overnight.
 But I end this letter having taken the first step.
It's a start. 

Always,
  Amanda