To The Ones Who've Left Scars on My Heart

I forgive you.  

I forgive you for lashing out in fear and anger because you felt betrayed by those you loved.  

I forgive you for disappearing inside yourself, living life a shell- 

 Making me feel as if I wasn't enough.  

I forgive you for thinking you were not worthy to be part of life, of earth, of God. 

I shoved my fear inside, but you scared the hell out of me.

 I forgive you for locking me outside the walls you retreated behind- 
trying to prevent even more pain from being stored behind them.  

I forgive you for the tears you held within hoping you would eventually drown.  

I'm sorry I never seemed to know the right thing to say. 

I forgive you for the stoic silence you displayed when I needed you the most, 
I realize now you were only trying to escape the voices in your head screaming for release. 

I forgive you for surviving the abuse the only way you knew how.

Yes, you've hurt me. but who am I to judge? I'm not perfect anymore than you are- 

yet I allowed myself to feel somehow superior.  

I didn't realize that all that anger, resentment, and hurt I was carrying
in my heart was ultimately only dragging me back and holding me in the pain of the past. 
Just as Christ has forgiven my sins I know I have to forgive you.
It's not going to be easy- 
scars don't heal overnight.
 But I end this letter having taken the first step.
It's a start. 

Always,
  Amanda

Welcome to My World

Wow. I've been toying with the idea of starting a blog for so long, it's crazy I FINALLY got around to making one. The whole process just seemed a tad bit daunting, you know. Picking a name. Picking a theme. Picking colors, text fonts, and backgrounds. Yet here I am. My very own place to spill all  my thoughts, hopes, dreams. I apologize in advance for my ADD. I try to focus... I really do. However, I am the queen of complete randomness. I hope you enjoy reading my blog as much as I will writing it- feel free to comment to your hearts content.  Thought I'd share some pictures to help you get to know me:) 

This is my most recently completed art piece. My AP art concentration this year is the theme

Man's Disregard for Nature and this piece focuses on the tragedy of the Gulf of Mexico BP oil spill.
::oil paint and charcoal::

The reason I exist, and my other half. From left to right: Jess (twin sister), my Mom, and then me. We're all so completely and crazily different, but even when I'm pretty sure I don't like them I know I'll always love these two amazing people. 

I'm secretly a nerd. Oops. Maybe not so secret now... 

My heart and soul and the reason I am the person I am. My Daddy. You will hear a lot about him as he is the inspiration and support  for almost everything I do. 

No, that's not a horse. It's Edison, my gentle giant. He enjoys long walks on the beach. 

Yes, that's me with blonde hair on a tractor. Truth is, I was a legitimate farm girl for 5 amazing, busy, fascinating years of my life. Living on a farm impacted me in so many ways and I'll most likely be talking more about my farm adventures later on. Consider this a preview.